It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
