Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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