You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
