i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
