i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
