my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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