I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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