check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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