Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
