carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
