We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
