It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
