well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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