Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
