So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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