I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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