I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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