I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
