chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
