Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
