there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
