He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
