i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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