Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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