i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
