shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
