**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
