You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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