I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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