Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
