he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
