my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
