I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
