i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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