maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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