So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
