Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
