who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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