very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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