Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
