We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i've created a new STD.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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