I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
