Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
