Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
