please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
