he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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