omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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