After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
MIDGETS
????
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
