I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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