Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
