you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
