I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
